Answering Machines - 2

Have you ever heard weird messages in answering machines. Here are a few for you to enjoy.

Hello, you have reached 20001. We can’t receive your call right now but leave your message aftuh-thuh-beep.

Hello this is Jacks answering machine Harry, and I am so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don’t talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep.

Jaaved Jaaferi(model/actor/dancer/VJ) 
Halo…halo awaaj nahin aa rahe hai, jore se bolo. Ghabara gaye kya? Ansaring macine hai(breaks into a song) Kitna badal gaya hai ensaan. Abhi ek kaam karo. Apna naam, namber aur massage hamr bidwa bhains ka awwaj ka baad jod do phir hum dekhte hai kaa kama hai!
[This took from the Times of India newspaper - I don’t know the complete translation Sorry.]

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be recorded and may be used for or against you. So beware.

I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, and if you were doing what I am doing, you wouldn’t want to take the call either.

EVEN FUNNIER MESSAGES:

Hello, this is Rip Van Winkle. I am not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

(In a bored voice) “Heaven. God speaking.
Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Sorry I can’t answer the phone because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate if you could help me out by leaving behind my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

It’s not that I can’t take your call right now. It’s just that I am trying to avoid someone I really don’t like. So leave a message and if I don’t call you back, you know who I don’t like.

Hello, this is Vinod’s residence. We are in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your message and whoever wins will call you right back.

You have reached the number you have dialled. Now just leave a message and wait till I call you back.

Hello, welcome to the computerised telephone screening service to screen unwanted calls. Do leave you name and number. If your name happens to be Pamela, Cindy or any beautiful model's name whoever I know, I’ll get back to you. If not you can keep trying to get me.

Hello, if you are trying to get the line for Pepsi Ungal Choice or MTV Select this is not the right number, please hang the phone and do not re-dial. If it is me who you want then you should be a female preferably between 15 and 25. 

JAYAKUMAR’S ANSWERING MACHINE:

/* This program was developed by Jayakumar in C */
/* All Rights Reserved */
/* © Copyright 1999 */


#include<answeringmachine.h>     // This is the pre-processor or the header file 
#include<voice_recog.h>
#define printf SAY
#define scanf GET

main()
{
SAY “Welcome, I am the interactive answering machine.”;
SAY “Please tell me the name of the person whom you want”;

GET <person required>; 
 IF <person required> == “Jayakumar” 
THEN 
{
GET <name> + <number>;
SAY “Do you have any message to give my Boss”;
GET <choice>;
IF <choice> == ‘yes’
 	THEN
    	{
    		SAY “Is it a Good one or Bad one”;
   	   	GET <ans1>;
                                      IF <ans1> == ‘good’ 
   		THEN
                                     { 
 			SAY “Is it Urgent or Ordinary”;
 			GET <ans2>;
                                                        IF <ans2> == ‘urgent’ 
                                                        THEN GET <msg.>; 
                                                        ELSE 
          SAY “Don’t waste my time, just hang up. I will get back to you in a couple of weeks. Be happy don’t worry!.”;
          BREAK; 
                    	}
                                     ELSE 
SAY “I am not interested in Bad news now. You can give it to me when I am in a bad mood! Please don’t spoil my day.”;
		BREAK;
	}
ELSE SAY “I am not the one you are looking for - BYE HAVE A NICE DAY”;
}
}